“I had so much hope for Kamala.”

“I had so much hope for Kamala.”

“Yeah, like who knew that prosecutor thing would hurt her? You’da thought twenty seasons of Law and Order would have made people more receptive to law enforcement. She was perfect. Black and female. We coulda hammered that commie prick. Just repeat the words ‘old white man’ again and again.”

“Not meant to be. Booker, too. We need a candidate who can win in the Southern primaries against Sanders, and that means black vote. In any case, we need to keep ramping up the narrative that he’s insensitive. We can always flip the messaging after the primaries toward white people in the general.”

“Booker is being painted as a Wall Street tool. It’s taking, unfortunately. The identitarian strategy is faltering these days. We can combine ‘insensitive’ with ‘out of touch.’ Maybe that will erode a bit of his youth bloc.”

“Are we still on the Berni-bro tactic.”

“Every chance we get. Not gaining any traction with prospectives, but it helps hold the line among some of the more bitter Hill-bots. Fuck! We’ve convinced the networks to pretend he’s dead, but we keep getting bypassed on social media. That’s what happened to Joe.”

“Godammit, that looks bad. Wish that fucker coulda kept his hands to himself. They have compilation videos of ‘Creepy Joe’ everywhere now. And let’s face it, when the old boy isn’t just mashing on women, he’s dull as butter knife.”

“We kept it off the airwaves for days, but then those seditious bitches came along and accused him. I asked CNN and MSNBC to spike that shit, even reached out to their sponsors. Pharma and insurance especially — big chunk of their revenues. I told them, ‘This is your last best chance to stop this bomb from going off in the White House. If Sanders wins, his little movement will explode and they’ll start knocking off a lot more Congressional incumbents.’ But, again, fucking social media. And the bitches.”

“We’re trying out Buttigieg now. He seems willing, but we may have to finesse the Medicare For All thing. Kamala tipped her hand on that . . . I wish we had a pause button for these fuckers. But we’re painting him as the boy genius, and once elected, it’s easy to flip to ‘pragmatism, pragmatism, pragmatism’.”

“What happened with Beto?”

“Fuck me, I dunno. We’ve been pushing the wunderkind bit with him for over a year, and the networks picked it up, the big papers, too. But we’ve already got that demographic . . . people who favor styles. There was obviously no growth potential there.”

“You think Buttigieg can overcome being married to a dude?”

“That’s tricky. But yeah, maybe. It will help him with the liberals during the primary, because they’ll all want to prove their liberal bona fides . . . like lots did for Obama. And the boy is a Rhodes Scholar.”

“So was Bill Clinton.”

“Tell the media to never, ever, ever offer that comparison. That guy is poison. He used to fuck everything that stood still . . . and he put a million minorities in prison.”

“Obama. We go with the legacy of Obama.”

“Right, right. But again, that is shoring up. We already have them, the people who loved his style. It’s that middle we want. We need to reinforce the ‘national security’ strategy, mobilizes their nationalism. Keep bearing down on Russia, someone. We need threats, lots of threats. ‘Bernie cannot make you safe against these threats.’ That’s the ticket. A good Cold War, with some good old fashioned red-baiting . . . plausibly deniable, of course.”

“The report fucked us up for a minute, but we can overcome that. Trump, the threat to national security . . . we already have the old Bush boys on board. Any good bad news from Venezuela? We could use a massacre or something. We need to associate Bernie with Venezuela. How’s that going?”

“We’ve been pretty successful with muddying the waters, but his base is strengthening every time he moves further left.”

“That can’t be right.”

“Our research shows it.”

“What’s that about? Can we attack the left on this? Call them ‘blueskyers’ or tin-hat conspiracy theorists or hit them with ‘fake news’ accusations?”

“Too Trump-like. The main message has to be that only a centrist can beat Trump, so we can’t look too much like that asshole.”

“Yeah, but maybe we can get proxies. Seed social media with doubt about the veracity of left journalism, red-bait them a bit to consolidate some of the old folks, do a few highbrow pieces that subtly look down their noses as the interpretive framework of the left . . . make it seem passé, unhip, out of touch. No one wants to look out of touch.”

“And amplify the old Trots and Maoists that are going after him from the far left. They’ll make it easier for young people to bow out, not show up. ‘Pox on both their houses,’ and the like. We can hurt him by showing how he’s not far enough left, but keep our fingerprints off.”

“This is getting hard. It’s a stretch. We can try it.”

“Fuck, I wish we weren’t losing Joe! We can’t turn on him yet, because he holds the key to old Cold War Democrats. Any way we can paint Sanders as a homophobe?”

“No, hell no. If we start comparing records between him and the others, he comes out smelling like the proverbial rose. Maybe we hit harder on the gun thing. Bernie kills kids.”

“This is just a mess. We have to have the South, or this is game over. That means we need blacks. Bernie voted for the crime bill.”

“Tricky. His minions have done the research, and that will come back on Hill and Bill, which means us. He voted reluctantly to get the Violence Against Women Act included . . . and his campaign right now is coming down on the criminal justice system like a ton of bricks. We can’t highlight that before we go South. Maybe load audiences, like Blitzer did, with people who ask tactically embarrassing questions with just the suggestion of hypocrisy.”

“All the audiences will be loaded. And we’ll make sure the right candidates are prepped before debates and town halls.”

“And poverty. He’s killing us. Every time they say poverty, we say ‘opportunity’ and ‘entrepreneurs.’ Worked for Hill. She went a bit far with that ‘hotsauce in my purse’ thing, but we bulldozed right over that. The trick is to mobilize the operators. When’s the last time we checked in with Sharpton? Who are they following right now?”

“Maybe Buttigieg can work.”

“Maybe Bernie will say he’s seen flying saucers.”

“Who’s the backup for Buttigieg if he doesn’t take? I mean, I feel like we’re being whackamoled.”

“We can continue to simulate neutrality and place the emphasis on ‘this diversity of candidates,’ minimizing his exposure in the process, and then if we see any of them who can be turned away from Medicare For All, even if they campaign on it, we’ll load in. That’s the prime directive right now. Stop Medicare For All at all costs.”

“’Who will pay for it?’ Say it one thousand times a day.”

“Electability electability electability, center center center, Trump Trump Trump.”

“MSNBC is on that. CNN and NYT, too. The Post. All of em.”

“If only he’d nuke someone, voters would flock to whatever asshole we offer them.”

“Are you going to the party tonight?”

“Yeah, Alan and Andrea will be there. We can run this past them.”

“What if we lose again?”

“Upside? Four more years of strong fundraising while he burns the house down.”

“Never say that out loud.”

“What if Sanders is the only one who can win?”

“Never even think that aloud. Sanders wins, and we collapse.”

“Want some coke?”

“Oh man! Thanks. I got four more meetings today and didn’t know how I’d get through them.

Author of the books “Hideous Dream,” “Full Spectrum Disorder,” “Borderline,” “Mammon’s Ecology,” and “Tough Gynes.”